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Thought I'd open a most important topic of solving daily problems with little kids/tweens and teens. Often we as parents seem to provide all the solutions: "Why don't you do this or why don't you do that"; "I think this is the best thing for you because blah blah blah" and so on.. "Stop hitting your sister" "Give back that toy now"! "Go to your room" - sound familiar? When two five year olds were fighting over a toy recently, knowing this was their problem, not mine, I sat them both down and said: "You two girls seem to want the same doll, is that right? Both nodded their heads to indicate yes, whilst sulking. "We have a problem here as we only have one doll and I'm wondering how you two can work it out so that both of you get a turn with the doll"? "I think you girls are smart enough to come up with a good idea"! I think the word 'smart' did it! "I know I know" yelled one, putting her hand up like she does in school - "What if Jessica plays with it after I put dolly to bed". "Huuum...that's one idea that could work, what do you think Jessica"? "Well, can I watch Amy's DVD while she is playing with the doll"? "Okay that sounds good to me, why don't you ask Amy this, see what she thinks"? "OK" ! Now that I got them chatting instead of fighting, I left them both to work it out, after all, I don't need to take on their issues! Kids problems belong to them, let them work it out...and they are pretty smart and know what they want. Ten minutes later, they were both outside playing and chatting whilst the sad doll lay on the floor, all but forgotten. Still, they got the chance to think out a solution - benefit? the more parents do this, the more kids find their own solutions rather than fight or come to you for an answer. Parents can facilitate the process and the more this happens, the less kids will come to you for solutions. How do you get your kids to work out stuff themselves? What about your teens and your tweens? How do you chat with them when they have a problem? Are they missing out on these opportunities because you solve every problem that comes to your home? Personally, I don't believe punishments or naughty-mats work for kids, it just makes them angry. There are many creative ways to teach kids! As for teenagers, telling them to do something because 'you say so' or because you are the parent, makes no sense to them, but a meaningful and rational talk adds to their lives and yours, don't you think? Louella Henderson Parent Effectiveness Trainer/Coach Spiritus Coaching, Singapore |
When we become parents we take on the biggest responsibility we will ever encounter in our lives. To be a parent means we give up the right to think only of ourselves and our well being. The well being of the child takes precedence over all. As a mother I refused to leave my child with a babysitter who was a stranger. I willingly surrendered social gatherings where a baby/toddler/child was not welcome. Instead, I chose to go and socialize with other families and friends who did not view children as a nuisance during parties and other celebrations. It gave me the opportunity to teach my children social skills when visiting another home, to respect and honor other people’s values. It was a choice I made to safe guard the security and safety of my children. I watched them like a mother hen watches her chicks to ensure they did not break a limb, stayed up all night when they were ill and walked miles to deliver them into the right care when needed. 
As you will be aware (unless you are sleeping under a rock with a bottle of vodka in your hands), we are all being warned about the upcoming economic crisis. “Tighten your belts, get rid of the extra mobile phone and cut off cable or else”.